


Doctor Who: March Madness Drabbles

by Quipxotic



Series: Doctor Who Drabbles [15]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Fluff and Crack, Fourth Wall? What Fourth Wall?, Gen, March Madness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-14 09:13:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14132904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quipxotic/pseuds/Quipxotic
Summary: Doctor Who’s social media created the March Madness bracket, now here are drabbles to settle the question: Which incarnation of Doctor is the best?All drabbles are 100 words by AO3's count. One drabble per match.





	1. Beware the Madness of March

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm doing this. I have so many other things to write...I can't believe I'm doing this...
> 
> Okay, here are our opening brackets, as created by Doctor Who's social media team:
> 
> Left Bracket: One vs Six; Ten vs Five; Two vs War; Eleven vs Four.  
> Right Bracket: Thirteen vs Three; Metacrisis Ten vs Seven; Eight vs Twelve; Nine vs The Valeyard.
> 
> May the best Doctor win!

Each of them received a summons inviting them to a contest to settle a question: which incarnation of the Doctor is the best?

“Obviously a trap,” scoffed the Sixth. “Besides, it’s clearly me.”

“Such nonsense,” grumbled the First.

“I’m not even one of them,” the War Doctor muttered as he tore the invitation into bits.

Most laughed off the letters. None of them piloted their ships to the time-space coordinates listed. Still, one by one, they found themselves marooned on that distant planet, without companions or TARDISes. The only way to escape was to face each other until one remained.


	2. First Round: One vs Six

“See here, young man-“

“Young?” the Sixth laughed. “YOUNG! I’m far older than you, you tottering twit! You’re practically an infant, and yet you act as if you’re some wise old man.”

The First grabbed his lapels and eyed his other self disapprovingly. “I see our manners haven’t improved…or our dress sense.”

“How droll.” He sniffed, unimpressed. “At least they had color in my day. And how many companions did you lose again? Not to mention poor Susan-”

“But I didn’t strangle any of mine, did I?” The First smiled. “What’s that? Nothing to say? Cat got your tongue?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: the First Doctor


	3. First Round: Ten vs Five

“Ah brilliant!” The Tenth grinned. “It’s you!”

“Indeed,” the Fifth replied, somewhat embarrassed. “Look, about this…just because we come from different eras doesn’t mean we can’t be civil. Otherwise it just wouldn’t be cricket.” 

“That’s so very you,” the Tenth laughed. “Have I mentioned that I patterned my look after you?”

“A few times-“

“You’re quite influential, in your way.” He paused. “Mind you, I’m very popular.” 

“I’m sure-“

“Routinely voted the best by fans. The definitive Doctor, some say.” 

“You are very good.”

The Tenth grinned and shook his hand. “But then, I had a great role model.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Fifth Doctor by concession 
> 
> This will not be a popular choice but, as much as I love David Tennant's Ten, I adore Peter Davison's Five. And these are my drabbles, so there.


	4. First Round: Two vs War

“I know what you’re thinking,” the Second’s sleeves flapped as he gestured, “'What’s a silly man with a recorder doing here?'” His eyes twinkled. “Appearances can…ahem…be deceptive.”

“I remember,” the War Doctor sighed, “but, after all I’ve done, I’m no longer worthy to carry the name.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” The Second patted him on the shoulder. “In your episode and your very fine audio dramas, you were every inch one of us. I haven’t read the comics yet, but I hear they’re quite interesting.”

Still, the War Doctor sat alone and would not be moved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Second Doctor by concession


	5. First Round: Eleven vs Four

“Why the fez and bow tie?”

“They’re cool,” the Eleventh preened.

The Fourth eyed him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he cried indignantly. “How often do you trip over that scarf?” 

“Never,” the Fourth grinned, “I am astonishingly agile.”

“So am I!”

“You really aren’t. But you are amazing at being both old and young simultaneously.” 

“And you,” the Eleventh grimaced, “are rather iconic.”

“I am,” he agreed smugly. 

“You were also mean to your companions-”

“Whereas you allowed our wife to be falsely imprisoned for years to save your own skin.” He took a bag from his pocket. “Jelly baby?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Fourth Doctor
> 
> Wow, this one was a lot harder to write than I expect it would be and I feel somewhat ambivalent about it. Matt Smith's Eleventh Doctor grew on me over his time in the role and it is rather sad to see another New Who bite the dust so early. 
> 
> On the other hand, was there really a chance the Fourth Doctor would lose this?


	6. First Round: Thirteen vs Three

“I say, you are new. Have you even finished regenerating?”

“Mostly.” The Thirteenth watched artron energy dance across her fingers. “I’ve lost the TARDIS, though.”

The Third patted her awkwardly on the arm. “I wouldn’t worry, she’ll show up again…most likely. Just keep well away from the Time Lords and you’ll be fine.”

“There’s a lot I don’t remember, but I don’t think they’re after me right now.” 

“Good! Keep an eye out for UNIT, while you’re at it.” He smiled at her. “You know, you remind me a bit of Liz Shaw.”

She grinned back. “It’s the boots.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Third Doctor
> 
> I'm irked that I can't send the first female Doctor on, but she's only had a few seconds of screen time. Even against one of my least favorite Doctors, that's not enough...yet. Once her season starts, however, she's likely to end up in the final round.


	7. First Round: Metacrisis Ten vs Seven

The Other Tenth folded his arms and frowned. “Don’t expect _me_ to concede.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” The Seventh leaned on his umbrella. “But that does beg the question: who are you really?” 

“I’m the Doctor.”

“But you’re not just that, are you? You’re also part Donna Noble.”

He shrugged as if that were irrelevant. “Only a small part-“

“Significant enough to make you human. Perhaps your…creation changed you in other ways?”

“I know what you’re doing.” The Other Tenth paced. “You always were the sneakiest of us.”

The Seventh smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Who, me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Seventh Doctor
> 
> Much like a few seconds of the Thirteenth Doctor aren't enough for a fair comparison, so one episode isn't enough vs all the Seventh Doctors episodes, novels, comic books, audio dramas, etc.
> 
> It's not looking good for New Who, is it?


	8. First Round: Nine vs the Valeyard

The two black clothed incarnations stared each other down. “Why are you here?” The Ninth punctuated his question by jabbing his finger at the Valeyard’s chest.

“Because I’m part of you, even if you refuse to admit it. The darkness to your light.”

“I’ve seen darkness. I’ve lived through the Time War. You? You’re just a Never Was! A theoretical version of us who will never exist.”

“And yet, here I am.” 

“Yeah, but when were you supposed to arrive? Between our Twelfth and final self?” The Ninth sneered. “I’ve met both of them and they’re better people than you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Ninth Doctor
> 
> Nice try, Doctor Who social media team, but this was no contest.
> 
> And yes, I know this was supposed to be Eight vs Twelve. I'm procrastinating that one until last because no matter who I pick it will be painful.


	9. First Round: Eight vs Twelve

“Of course, I would draw you.” The Twelfth frowned irritably. “The universally loved one. Why not ask me to kick a few puppies while I’m at it?”

“Hardly universally.” The Eighth looked chagrined. “For a while, after the movie, there was some debate about whether I even belonged. And what about you?” He smiled. “Your last season did really well. Personally, I thought you were magnificent.”

“Too little, too late. I should’ve known when I picked this face that I was doomed to disaster.”

The Eighth leaned against him and whispered conspiratorially. “I have two words for you: audio dramas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Eighth Doctor
> 
> ARGH! I hate having to pick between them because I love them both. But Peter Capaldi's Twelfth Doctor had some inconsistent writing to deal with - not his fault, but there you are. With any luck, Big Finish will sign him up quickly and we'll be able to enjoy years of new, wonderful Twelfth Doctor content.


	10. Second Round: One vs Five

“It’s odd that we’re both so misunderstood.”

“Indeed, my boy. They accuse you of being weak, ineffectual…” The First smiled. “Dull.” 

“And you of being cold and misogynistic.” The Fifth shook his head. “It’s as if they’ve never watched our episodes.”

“Quite so, quite so! But it is often the way. The ambitious cast aspersions on others to make their own deeds appear better by comparison.”

“A shame, really. We should all strive to be more generous-” 

The First grinned mischievously. “Does that mean you will be conceding this round?”

“I’m nice” the Fifth laughed, “but I’m not that nice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Fifth Doctor
> 
> Yes, it's months later and I'm still irritated about "Twice Upon a Time."


	11. Second Round: Three vs Seven

“So old fellow,” the Third Doctor studied the ruffles on his shirt sleeves, “Venusian aikido?” 

“I prefer fighting with my wits. But I should return these.” The Seventh took off his hat and removed two IDs. “For some reason UNIT wouldn’t accept them when I used them.”

“UNIT! Once we escaped our exile, I thought we’d finish with them and Earth forever.”

The Seventh chuckled. “Hardly. Our exile - _your_ exile - affected us deeply.”

“As have your...machinations.”

“I’ve done what we’ve all tried to do: make things better.” He smiled. “It’s only the scope of my plans that are different.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Seventh Doctor
> 
> I know this is supposed to be Two vs Four, but I'm having a surprisingly hard time deciding who wins that one. I'll probably put it at the end of this round to give myself time to make up my mind.


	12. Second Round: Eight vs Nine

“You.”

“Me.” The Eighth reluctantly met his older self’s eyes. “Is there anything I can say-“

“What do you think?”

“We needed to try something different.”

“Was a warrior the best you could do?”

“I was _dying_ at the time-” 

The Ninth glared at him. “He… _WE_ destroyed Gallifrey! Do you have any idea what it was like living with that?” 

The Eighth sighed. “I just wish you’d had more time. Imagine what you could’ve done! Everything would be different-”

“And let Rose die?” He shook his head. “I did what I had to.”

“We all do, in the end.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Eighth Doctor
> 
> I wish I could write the happy, goofy version of the Ninth Doctor, because those qualities are part of why I love him. But I'm just not feeling it at the moment. Plus these two do have the Time War between them. It's kind of hard to be happy-go-lucky about that.


	13. Second Round: Two vs Four

The Second Doctor watched as the Fourth brushed off his coat and readjusted his scarf. “What are you doing?”

“Getting ready to move on to the next round.”

“And - ah - why do you assume you’re the one who will do so?”

“Not to brag, but I am a fan favorite. Before the series restarted, I was usually listed as the best of us.”

“Perhaps. But if I hadn’t fashioned myself as a very different sort of Doctor, you wouldn’t have been able to be who you were.” He patted his older self’s hand. “Try not to take it too hard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Second Doctor
> 
> So here's the thing: brackets aren't really about who is the best, they are about match-ups and timing. 
> 
> Many of my favorite _Doctor Who_ stories ("The Ark in Space," "Genesis of the Daleks," "Seeds of Doom," "The Robots of Death," "Horror of Fang Rock," "The Andriods of Tara," "The Keeper of Traken," etc.) are Fourth Doctor stories. I like him a lot. But, when he's at his worst he's arrogant, condescending, and both belittling and cruel to his companions. As a result I occasionally get very fed up with him, which is where I am right now.
> 
> I have no such issues with the Second Doctor. He is a delight, always. It's a shame so many of his episodes are lost to us because Patrick Troughton is wonderful in this role and he deserves to be better appreciated. 
> 
> Ask me in six months who's better and I may say the Fourth Doctor, but not today.
> 
> The Final Four is shaping up to be Team Nice on one side of the bracket and Team Oncoming Storm on the other.


	14. Third Round: Seven vs Eight

“…You should’ve been more forthcoming with Ace and Hex.”

“Like you were with Liv and Helen?”

The Eighth sighed. “Touché.” 

“Speaking of _Doom Coalition_ ,” the Seventh continued, “you made rather a hash of my work-”

“They conned you into bringing in the Eleven, so that was a mess before I got involved.”

“Perhaps. But that doesn’t answer which of us will move on.”

“You’ve been many things: clown, teacher, even Merlin. I’ve been that and more. Innocent, lover, reluctant warrior, bringer of justice…or mercy, basket case, a great-grandfather - anything any of our selves have been, I’ve been it all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Eighth Doctor 
> 
> If this sounds like part of a larger discussion, that's because it is. The original version of this drabble had them each naming favorite stories or story arcs that the other had been in. One that the Eighth Doctor named for the Seventh was the Black and White stories, which I'm a fan of (although I've not listened to all of them yet - no spoilers please). But I ran out of words and had to cut things down to fit.
> 
> I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with the Seventh Doctor. He's endlessly fascinating, but he's also needlessly secretive, fond of over-complicated plans, manipulative, and not nearly nice enough to Ace for my liking. But Sylvester McCoy is wonderful as him and no matter how frustrated I get with Seven, I always come back for more.


	15. Third Round: Two vs Five

The Fifth Doctor blinked. “What are you doing here?”

“Were you expecting someone else?” 

“Yes! I don’t mean to be rude, it’s just…I’ve lived all my life in his shadow.”

“Ah.” The Second smiled. “I know what that’s like.”

“Of course. Even your companions didn’t believe you were the same person-”

“Not at first, no, but Ben and Polly came around eventually. I believe you had a similar problem?”

“Only with Adric. Nyssa and Tegan,” he paused, a stunned look on his face. “It’s going to be me, isn’t it?”

The Second chuckled. “Yes, I rather think it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Fifth Doctor
> 
> I saw my first Fifth Doctor episode only a few years ago. I'm not sure which episode that was, but I'm pretty sure it was watching "The Visitation" back when Classic Who episodes were still available on Netflix that tipped me over the edge into "I must see EVERYTHING there is of this!" levels of fandom. I've been happily stuck there ever since.
> 
> There are some bad serials, of course. Life is too short to watch "The Awakening" or "Time-Flight" again, if I can help it. "The King's Demons" is so cringe-worthy that even a sword fighting Peter Davison (and two of my favorite companions, Tegan and Turlough) can't save it. But there are also many good stories: "Castrovalva," "The Visitation," "Earthshock," "Enlightenment," "Resurrection of the Daleks," "Planet of Fire," and "The Caves of Androzani," among others. As for audio dramas, there are too many good ones to name. And while there are many Fifth Doctor books I haven't read yet, I should mention _Fear of the Dark_ , which I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend to anyone even vaguely interested in the Fifth Doctor.


	16. The Final: Five vs Eight

The Fifth looked around the nearly empty room. “I guess this is it?”

“Just you and me.” The Eighth shrugged. “A shame either of us has to lose.”

“Don’t think of it as losing. After it’s over, all of our incarnations get to go back to our TARDISes and our lives. That sounds like a win for everyone.” 

“A good point and characteristically optimistic of you.”

“Thank you, Doctor.” 

“My pleasure, Doctor.” They waited in silence for a while, smiling awkwardly when they caught each other’s glance. Finally, the Eighth pulled out his pocket watch. “Taking their time, aren’t they?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winner: The Eighth Doctor
> 
> A somewhat anticlimactic ending, but after 16 drabbles what more is there to say? 
> 
> Except maybe this: the Eighth Doctor wasn't my first Doctor (that was the Fourth, back when I was too young to read the title sequence or understand what I was watching), but he is _**MY**_ Doctor. He's not necessarily my favorite (that would probably be the Fifth) and he may not be the best by any logical measure, but he is the one who got me interested in _Doctor Who_ in the first place and I still get an irresistible thrill every time I watch, listen to, or read one of his adventures.
> 
> Thank you for coming along with me on this very idiosyncratic March Madness competition. I hope you've at least not been bored.


End file.
